Faith

Gospel reading: John 20.19-31
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I'm captivated by John Fahey's The Legend of Blind Joe Death. It's a record by this strange but legendary guitar player. His albums don't include vocals or accompaniment. Just John and his guitar.

His style is unmistakable. He plays like he's grasping the instrument by it's throat. His music sounds like something the calloused hands of a morose stonemason plucks angrily from the shuddering steel strings of his guitar. (OK, that's a bit much.) If you think acoustic music is all sweetness and light, you haven't heard John Fahey.

Last week the kids and I drove to North Carolina and back. (This is why I didn't manage to blog in case you happened to miss this weekly whatever.) And I realized on the drive that I only time I really listen to Blind Joe Death is late at night on road trips. And I always listen to the whole thing. I never get a hankering for say, "Sligo River Blues" or his dark rendition of "In Christ There is No East or West" by themselves. It's all or nothing.

The album has a rather odd format. Fahey plays nine songs. Then he plays them again. Then he plays three more songs. After each listening I feel like I've managed to be present to the whole of some process that only unfolds over a long, long time. I'm never quite sure whether the process has taken place in me or out there in what I've heard. There's a haunting familiarity when the tunes come around again, and I can't quite say just how they and I have been changed. But they...I...we...surely have.

When Kathleen Norris writes about faith being more like a verb, I think of John Fahey. At least this week I do. Listening to an album can be a simple thumbs up or thumbs down proposition. Have you ever listened to The Legend of Blind Joe Death? is a simple yes or no question. And too often we speak of faith in much the same way. As if it's something we get or do at a certain point in time.

But maybe faith is more like an immersion in something. Maybe it's a way of seeing or a kind of awareness that we slip into and out of. A way of being that grows only slowly, perhaps, over time.

Thomas's encounter with the risen Christ can seem to imply faith as a settled fact happening in an instant. But reading the story again we see that Thomas is given an experience both strange enough and concrete enough to open up the future for God knows what. The evidence he is given only confirms that all bets are off when it comes to what God might do next.

And so it is with us, I think. We tend to think of faith in terms of how much or how intensely we can manage to believe a particular set of (usually unbelievable) facts. But maybe faith is never belief in a something settled, never a possession, but rather, something strange and wonderful that possesses us. Something that seems to unfold slowly, over time. But something whose force we find ourselves unexpectedly present to.

I don't read the Bible like I listen to John Fahey. It's longer. And reading while driving late at night is a bad idea. But I wonder if I'd get something more from that strange book if I could. I wonder if I would really get its sense that faith is something that comes to be in great waves and surges and trickles over time. And maybe the experience would register somewhere within my self that faith is not a way of being that we achieve once for all, but that we step into or stumble into and maybe get wonderfully lost within.